My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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