I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
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the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
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And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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