the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
