ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
