so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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