my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
