you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
