Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
