Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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