so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
