just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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