My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
