Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
