Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
