You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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