I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
