He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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