if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
