im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
