This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
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He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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