i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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