you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
