I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My balls are so social today.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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