Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
