My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
