Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
