I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Randomize
