What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
