If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
