just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
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