guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
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Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
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Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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