Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He told me they were just razor bumps!
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
