3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
