there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
