Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
