just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
