Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
