Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
