I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
