yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
