If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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