did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
