ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
