i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
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sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
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Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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