I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize