I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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