i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My ass is underappreciated
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
