I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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