Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
