Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
