you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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