she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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