is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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