I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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