i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
