I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
