Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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