I want to make a zoo with you.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
