Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
