the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
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Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
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I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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