i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
