It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
