Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
