If that was your dad, he is hot
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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