i need an iv and a liver transplant
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
