Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
