my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
