I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize