can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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