3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I need to calm my uterus...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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