They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize