Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
