whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
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I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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