I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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