I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
