I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
