Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
