Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
