mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just threw up on my dentist
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
