he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
