No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
