with your own penis?
i think my tv is drunk
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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