I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
